Understanding the true meaning of submission to Allah.

Posted by My Hijab, Modest Muslimah on

A personal story by a zaujah (wife) in her early thirties from Singapore who allowed this to be shared on the condition of anonymity.

My husband has allowed me to share our personal experience with the intent of raising the spirits and giving hope to those who are caring for the sick or going through a difficult patch in life right now. May Allah ease your burden and reward you for the patience and willingness to endure.Aamiin.


In The Book of Medicine: Sahih Bukhari, there is a much referred to quote that says "There is no disease that Allah has sent down except that He also has sent down its treatment.”

We were married for less than 2 years when this happened. From mid-June till nearly end of December 2012, my husband was afflicted with the inability to walk. The hospital tests up to this day has been inconclusive as to what caused it. He was in a lot of pain everyday and it affected him from thighs down to his toes. I got him crutches to support his walking around the home. From crutch-asssisted walking, he quickly degenerated. His entire day was spent on the floor of our bedroom unable to walk. Before I left for work every morning, I had to anticipate all the things he would need from the point of my absence up till later in the evening when I returned. Allah hasn't granted us the honour of becoming parents yet so he was pretty much alone at home. My daily mental checklist would be "Food, drinks, medication, a blanket for him to use the smooth surface to slowly slide to the toilet in our room, a basin & toiletries, water for wudhu' (ablution)" and I had to make sure the shower head was on the ground in the bathroom within his reach. Everything had to be adjusted for someone who is unable to stand and reach. He would use a dry mop to turn on and off the tap in the bathroom from the entrance of our bathroom. It was heartbreaking to watch but I knew I needed to let him retain his pride of doing at least whatever he could do by himself.

Our bedside table resembled a mini pharmacy in no time but none of the medication worked well or long enough to prevent a relapse. The medication and medical tests at the hospital was beginning to drain our bank accounts. At home, I adjusted some of the furnishing in the bedroom to enable me to pull him up every night so at least he spends the night sleeping in the comforts of the bed after a whole day spent on the wood flooring.

Well meaning friends and relatives recommended all sorts of alternative remedies. One even brought leeches to "suck out the clotted blood" that may be impeding his ability to walk. We were willing to try whatever was permissible in Islam to regain his ability to walk as per normal. The leeches fell off, I picked them up to dispose with my fingers. Disgust and fear was non-existent in my vocabulary at that point. I spent that entire night sleepless as I changed the dressing around
my husband's knees because 2 of the 4 post-leech spots' bleeding wouldn't stop. It reached a stage when I had to substitute the bandages for my unused night-flow sanitary pads to soak the blood because we ran out of bandages at 1.30am. I wouldn't recommend the leech treatment to anyone unless necessary.

y husband's morale hit at an ultimate low because he was used to freedom of mobility and work was impossible when he is unable to walk. I purchased a wheelchair so that he could at least join me for walks in the evenings and visit his friends at the gym. He learned to move himself onto the wheelchair and into cab seats as quickly as I learned to fold and lug a 13kg wheelchair into the trunk of a vehicle by myself. We experienced the dangers and difficulty of having a wheelchaired person on the buses and trains. We saw how other people would stare and watch us everytime we alighted or boarded the bus/ MRT trains. It didn't bother us. I was glad that he had a chance to live life as close to normal instead of being cooped up at home. I would do it again in a heartbeat if I had to.

When we placed a deposit in December 2012 for our February 2013 umrah registration, it was a risk we took not knowing if
my husband was able to perform the tawaf and saie or even get on board the plane for the flight. But like what our parents assured us 'tawakkaltu 'illAllah' (put your trust in Allah). My husband hadn't been working for the past half year and he had plenty of overseas pending projects in the first half of 2013. But trust in Allah we did. I applied for 6 months unpaid leave from my job so that I could be there with him in 2013. It was truly a total trust & submission to Allah. A feeling like no other.

"If Allah brings you to it, He will bring you through it."

my husband began to slowly recover in mid December 2012 but he was not up to his 100% self. He had apologized countless of times for the inconveniences he had caused but I knew that in any marriage, there will be challenges. I reassured him that this test Allah has sent us will perhaps help us ride future 'storms' easier later in our marriage, inshaAllah. Our test was probably a minute fraction of bigger challenges that other marriages face and for that we are grateful, Alhamdulillah. "This is Allah's way of helping you atone for your sins and to give me a chance at earning rewards as your wife," I used to tell my husband on his feeling-low days. A supportive and loving elderly couple whom we met during umrah who had a similar experience early in their marriage told me "Allah gives you major tests in preparation for bigger rewards later in life, inshaAllah." Wallahu'alam.

Our Umrah was an experience that gave us an understanding of the amazing but indescribable feel of divine nearness. During the tawaf sunnat on our second last day in Makkah, the same day I managed to touch the kiswah (the black cloth that drapes the ka'abah), amongst the many du'as we made, I asked that Allah will grant us the right remedy for
my husband. When we got back from the tawaf, I took a short nap. In that nap, I dreamt I was standing in a pitch black space. Nobody was there and yet I was unafraid. It was like I was waiting for someone, Suddenly, there was a lot of purple smoke in that space. I could see moving shapes in the purple smoke. A face formed from the smoke whose features I could not make out. It kept moving and revolving. The face was bald at first and it kept revolving and changing thrice. Finally, I saw a man's face wearing a black songkok (a cap mostly worn by Muslim men in South East Asia). He was fair and calm looking. I didn't know who he was.

I told
my husband who dismissed it as probably a harmless dream. Fast forward this story to our return to Singapore, one of the friends we made during umrah called to say that he would like to introduce a friend who he thinks can help my husband. He is a Singaporean based in Brunei and he was in town visiting relatives that week. My husband & I fetched this ustaz on a Monday. Upon boarding the car, he commented that I looked familiar, like his niece perhaps. I didn't quite see his face since I was in the front passenger seat.

When we arrived at our home and sat down in the living room, I saw him face to face. It struck a chord in me. It was him from the dream. He was exactly as I saw him in the dream wearing a black songkok. Coincidentally, he was also wearing a long sleeved shirt in the same shade of purple (like the purple smoke surrounding the face in my dream). When we told him what I had dreamed, he humbly smiled.

y husband's treatment took 7 days. Alhamdulillah, we have seen marked improvements and he is even more gung-ho about attempting going up and down the stairs unassisted these days. In the first 5 months of 2013, we have been to more than 6 countries as far as Saudi & China, taken 16 flights and walked long distances to meet with locals in the country, Subhanallah. May this be the permanent remedy we have sought and may Allah reward the kind people who has helped us throughout this slightly bumpy ride in life. Aamiin.

Whenever we hit a little bump in life, we shall remember this experience, insha Allah. That it is Allah's way of telling us to ikhtiar and put our 100% trust in His love. To my brothers & sisters in Islam going through major difficulties in life right now, have faith that things will fall in place for you somehow because Allah has it all planned for us. (",)

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  • alhamdulillag .alhamdulillah ,alhamdulillah :)

    cupiey on

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